It just so happens that I married my college boyfriend and when we met I had no idea, nor did he that he was drawn to the field of neurological surgery. At that time he knew he wanted to be a physician and was a pre medical school candidate. We dated and he moved a couple hundred miles away when medical school started. We continued dating through his first year of school and then we were engaged and married during his second year of medical school. I am of course leaving out quite a bit of detail regarding our life together so far, but I feel as though I need to focus on the present for now. Perhaps, later I can share stories from living in one of the most dangerous and violent cities in this country through medical school, and how after four years there, we were mildy sad and nostalgic about moving to a new city.
Neurological surgery residency (a seven year, sometimes eight year program) is one of the most psychologically and physically challenging jobs one could ever experience. I will not be sharing names or specific details for obvious reasons (if the reasons are not obvious to you, then you probably should not be reading this anyway) but I will be sharing our experiences through this journey.
My best friend and husband has recently completed his PGY-1 (post graduate year 1) and after a few "surprises" in the program has landed into his 2nd and most difficult (so he is told) year. The details are not really important.
The big things we have learned over the last year:
- Sleep is precious but also not really necessary. Well, this might be true for my lovely spouse, I on the other hand am a huge fan of sleep and I think I usually get enough sleep for the both of us. Perhaps, some very smart genius type who graduates from college at the age of twelve can create a mechanism for transferring hours of rest from one person to another...just a thought, but it really could be helpful! Unfortunately, sleep is just a bit of a luxury that those who chose to be physicians will not be able to enjoy. Even when my lovely spouse has been home for "sleep time" he is so anxious that all of his patients will die while he is gone that he cannot settle his mind for rest. Talk about stressful and also mind numbing at the same time!
- Time with one another is nearly non existent so don't waste time arguing about things that don't matter! This past year, the only things I have really insisted on is that husband takes off his socks and brushes his teeth before bed. Most nights, both of these things do happen. I have had quite a few conversations with myself about things that need to be done around the apartment, or bills, or family stuff. It has been a challenge for me to be the one who needs to make big decisions.
- Do NOT compare your life and relationship to others! This is a very big tip and point to learn, no one knows exactly what you are going through and therefore you have no idea what anyone else is going through.
